I am a man trapped in a woman’s body.  It sounds like an episode of the Twilight Zone, but I guarantee you that this is my life.  When I think about how I look in my head, I don’t picture what I look like on the outside.  I see a “normal” man.  When I look in the mirror, it’s kind of surprising to see that the person staring back at me has boobs. It disgusts me that I have boobs.  It disgusts me that I have all the anatomy of a female and none of a male.  I literally get sick sometimes.

Talking about my body makes me uncomfortable because this isn’t my body, at least it isn’t supposed to be.  In order to look like how I know I should I have to have surgery after surgery.  Surgeries that are expensive and I most likely won’t be able to have them all.

The Surgeries

If I could afford it, these are the surgeries I would get.

Mastectomy

This is a fairly common surgery and it’s pretty well known.  A mastectomy is where they remove the mammary glands and fatty tissue from the breasts.  Basically, I’m getting rid of my boobs.  I’d get this surgery first because my boobs are the first giveaway that I’m not a guy.  This surgery can cost anywhere from $1,500 to $8,500.  In some cases (so I’ve heard), the doctor can get the insurance company to pick up some of the tab, but most likely I’ll have to pay for it.

Hysterectomy/Oopherectomy

I’m not going to need my uterus or my ovaries.  I’m not going to have kids, at least none popping out of me.  I don’t want an inch of anything female left in my body and removing my uterus and ovaries would be a huge deal.  This surgery runs from $7,000 and $15,000 dollars.  In some cases, the insurance company will pick up some of the tab if it can be proven that this surgery is health related.  For example if you have a history of abnormal bleeding or pap smears, among other things.

Genital Reconstruction Surgery
I’m not sure if I would ever get a genital reconstruction surgery (GRS).  The FTM GRS is pretty complicated and pretty expensive.  And while there have been some advances made, my sex life would suck.  A penis that is constructed won’t have any sexual function, at least not natural.  Sensation is very limited if at all.  These surgeries cost anywhere from $2,000 to $150,000.

Not all FTM’s feel the need to have surgeries and you don’t need the surgeries to be a man.  But for me, in order for me to be happy and comfortable, I will eventually need these.  I know right now that I can’t afford them, but if I could I’d already have had them.